Mandah's Losing It!

What's there to say really? Not a whole lot is going on other than my fight to get the hell out of the 240's and stay out. I was out yesterday but I had a water gain today and threw me right back into them. Several curse words ensued.

Here's my gym. I only go at night, so there will probably never be a photo of it during the day coming from me. During the day, every parking spot is taken. This gym, as you can see, isn't even that big. I prefer going at night where I'm usually alone. Well, there are a couple people usually...but theres a machine of every variety available.

I've got an amazing vacation coming up in less than a week. I know it's going to be incredible. I am, however, super nervous about gaining weight. If I do anything out of the norm, I gain weight...so yeah, nervous about that. It's totally worth it though. Plus I get to see my bestie Shawnie...haven't seen her since, like, mid February.

Hopefully I'll remember to post again before I take off for a while. I posted a video on youtube Wednesday ( www.youtube.com/user/aslmp8376 ). I'll try to post one Tuesday before I leave and then the next weeks video...well, I'm not quite sure about that one yet. I'll cross that bridge when I get there. :P I hop you're doing well, if you need me, you know where to find me!


-Mandah

Yahoo Messenger: brunette.betty

Ok, I need to vent big time. This is also a warning for any woman who happens to read this. Do NOT...I repeat, do NOT go on Depo-Provera. It will ruin your life. I was on depo for a couple years on two seperate occassions. The last time I was on Depo was back in 2006. I am *still* suffering the consequences of my decision to be on it in the first place. Things I was never warned about. I am praying that one day the FDA wisens up and pulls this horrible birth control off the market and when that day comes, I want to sue. Some women have had it worse than me, all my complaints are cosmetic, but there are women, YOUNG women, who have suffered far worse. Don't be one of them.

I'm 26 and I have things wrong with me that shouldn't be wrong til I'm, like, 60. It's going to cost me TONS of money (that I don't have cause I can't find a job), pain and time to correct what's been done. Things will never be the same. Please heed my warning. Stay away from Depo-Provera!

If you, like me, have suffered or are suffering from having been put on this drug, sign the petition below. It's time to take this off of the market!

http://www.petitiononline.com/depo1/petition.html

-Mandah

Yahoo Messenger: brunette.betty

Yep, I'm a slacker! I rarely post anymore. I don't really think anyone reads this so I don't feel very motivated to update it. lol Instead of day to day, I'll shoot for weekly. I've got so many things going on. Job hunting, RPG, writing and a bunch more. Ok, so it's not a lot but I forget about this. lol

Things have been going well since I got back from up north. Haven't cheated, been going to the gym. I've basically been killin' it all week. Andddd, since today is Friday, challenege is over and I can go back to weighing in every single day! Yay! I weighed in today and things are definitely going well.

If you haven't already, check out my youtube channel. I think I've posted a video since I last blogged.

www.youtube.com/user/aslmp8376

Talk to ya later!

XOXO

-Mandah

Yahoo Messenger: brunette.betty

Wow, am I ever a slacker? *slaps self on wrist* I have been so busy with complete non-sense that I've forgotten to update this in almost 2 weeks! That means, of course, there have been 2 new vlogs (see below).





Also, the collab channel I talk about in the first video was made an introduction by Stacey (Mondays!), here it is.



My first video for that is due tomorrow, I promise to not look so crappy then and to actually have something to say. My weigh in 7 video, I actually made today and was in a horrible mood. Ex's suck, 'nuf said.

So anyway, back to the gym tonight! Excited! This week is going to be so good, I can just tell! ^^

As always, if you need me, you know where to find me!

-Mandah
Yahoo Messenger: brunette.betty

Hey everyone! Day 118 is here, rapidly approaching day 120, which of course means, 120 day pics! I always get a little nervous before pic day because I'm afraid I won't see a perceptible difference or that I'll find that I look bigger somehow. lol Hasn't happened yet, but it could!

Shawnies pics are coming soon as well! I can't wait, make sure you guys keep an eye out for those!

Shawnie and Nickie are my real life BFF's. Make sure you check out their YouTube channels and subscribe to them. It'd mean a lot to them, as well as me. :)

Shawnie: http://www.youtube.com/user/jrsprettyprincess83
Nickie: http://www.youtube.com/user/09Nickie

This week is going surprisingly well! I have high hopes for the rest of week! I probably won't be blogging tomorrow as I'll be at Nickie's but we shall see.

I've had a lot of positive responses to my "Mandah is Fat" video. I would really like for you all to go view it and post a video response, even if you've never done a video before. You never know whose life you can make a difference in and it's worth it!

Bye for now!

-Mandah
Yahoo Messenger: brunette.betty

Hey everyone!

So, today was the day where I posted 3 videos. They can be found here:


http://www.youtube.com/user/aslmp8376

If you haven't already, please rate, comment and subscribe. It makes me really happy! :)

I don't know why but everyone seems to think I'm depressed in my videos today...I'm really not! I just busted through a plateau, I'm feelin' fan-freakin'-tastic! I was a little, tiny bit bummed that I didn't reach 2.5lbs lost this week but as far as the month goes, I met my goal. I am steady on my way to hitting the 100 mark for the opening of New Moon. *geeked*

I think the biggest parts of getting through the plateau were reigning in my use of carbs (having been on atkins for week, I went carb crazy!...which is when I plateaued...coincidence? I think not) and mixing up my fitness routine. I'd really relaxed and it's not that I have to go to the gym every single night and kill myself til I have to crawl out to my car but I do need to work out, it does need to push me and it needs to be varied.

I've also started drinking coffee again (with sugar free creamer, of course (:) and I'm finding it has me feeling fantastic. Coffee is supposed to be good for weight loss. Also cinnamon. I managed to get in a tsp today from a new recipe I tried called "Apple-Cinnamon Muffin Oatmeal"...it was delicious! I also got in a good amount of fiber from the black beans I put in my tuna salad. This should be a good week!

Today was amazing...and why? MOTHER FRICKIN' NEW MOON TRAILER! WOOT WOOT!



*sigh* How will I make it til November? Seriously!

So, even without that, todays been pretty great. I don't want to jinx it but I think I may be past the plateau. This weeks weigh in is going to be mediocre at best...that is, as long as the plateau is truly gone. If it's not, then it'll be a very disheartening weigh in. I'll take mediocre over disheartening any day. :)

I've also been thinking a lot this week about what it means to be to be fat. Every aspect of life as a person overweight. I've been watching the videos of others and reading articles. I'm going to make a video of the conclusions I've come to and my own personal opinions on the subject. That means of course, there will be 3 videos this week. My regular weigh in video, the video I just mentioned and I was tagged by Shawnie to reveal to one and all, the contents of my gym bag. lol Should be interesting...actually, probably not. *shrugs*

Grocery shopping tomorrow, hopefully I'll get lots of healthy foods. I'm going to start incorporating beans into my diet...and I don't mean green beans. lol I'm thinking kidney beans for now maybe. I'm going to stay up a bit later and research other healthy food staples I need.

Talk to ya later!

-Mandah
Yahoo Messenger: brunette.betty

The past 3 days have basically been one solid hissy fit. I've decided from the loving things the people who care about me have said, to relax. *inhales deeply* Basically all I can do right now, is push forward...whether or not the scale is going up or down, quitting is NOT an option from me. Eventually it will move again, I just need to focus on nutrition, mixing up my fitness and relaxing my stress levels a little bit.

I did a higher resistance level on the elliptical and only did it for 20 minutes tonight. I also did a stationary bike, which I hadn't done in months. I then did a little work with some free weights and finally tanned.

That's all for tonight...BE POSITIVE! :)

-Mandah
Yahoo Messenger: brunette.betty

Alright, I'm gonna break the normal shallow shell of all my posts and get real. I try to constantly be strong, brave and happy. That's the face I show the world...but I have to be honest with you (that's what all this is about anyway, isn't it?) To date, I've lost 47lbs. If anyone were to tell me they lost 47lbs, I'd be amazed and in awe. Am I amazed or in awe of myself? Absolutely not. I feel like a failure.

I've watched documentaries with people who have lost weight talking about the issues that come along with it. I've scoffed as people proclaimed to still feel their heaviest weight. At my heaviest weight, I waddled a bit, my legs did this weird bowed this on the bottom (see my before and so-far pics for a reference. They're in my second vlog). I carried myself well, but I carried myself like a very heavy woman. Since having lost 47lbs I feel no different. Even though when I look at my so-far pictures, I can clearly see the awkwardness melting away, my legs correcting themselves and I can see myself begining to carry myself differently...but I don't feel it. So, when I step on a scale (I'm a compulsive weigher) and the numbers goes up...it's the end of my world.

If I don't lose 12-15lbs a month, I consider the month a failure. I've got to lose 2.5 a week for the next 24/25 weeks...and it's a lot more pressure than I assumed. I almost wish I had kept that goal to myself.

My weight loss had started to really slow down a few weeks ago so I went from a balanced diet (as balanced as I can make it. Always within my calories) to the Adkins diet for a week. I ended up getting a really sick feeling in the pit of my stomach and so I decided to go back to balanced. Not only have I NOT lost most weight since, I've GAINED. I've got a little cushion of like 4 or 5lbs to play with so I'm going to give it a week for my body to readjust or whatever it is that's going on to right itself. If it doesn't...I don't know what to do. I'm starting to freak out. This is taking over my life.

The only reason I stopped working out tonight was because a storm knocked the power out at my gym. I've got big blisters on my feet...I feel out of control. Ah-ha....we've hit a nerve.

This whole weight loss thing has been a great way to feel in control. No, I WON'T eat that. Yes, I will exercise. It's a very powerful feeling...and it's slipping. I'm grasping but I'm coming up short.

Calories in and calories out. That's supposed to be the name of the game...so WHAT THE HELL? Gah! I cannot allow things to go back to the way they were before. Someone please help!


-Mandah
Yahoo Messenger: brunette.betty

I thought I had plans today so I didn't write last night cause I rushed to bed. Turns out, I had no plans. lol Here's my updates!

I was doing atkins for a week or so and I got sick on day 105 so I switched back to low cal. It was no joke. So this weigh in has me super nervous. I'm not sure what's what this week.

I'm gonna make a video tomorrow so stay tuned! I'll write more when I have a chance because I totally have way more to say! lol

-Mandah
Yahoo Messenger: brunette.betty

I was too exhausted to write when I got home from the gym last night. I killed it yesterday though. I walked during the day, did Wii Cardio and then went to the gym and worked it and tanned. I have a feeling this will be an amazing weigh in week! :D

So today was pretty uneventful. I was exhausted all day. I was only up for probably...5 or 6 hours and slept the rest of the time. I did do day 3 of my Wii Active 30 Day Challenege though. It kicked my ass (in a good way)!

Well, it's past 2 and I'm (shockingly) exhausted still! Hoping to get a super restorative sleep tonight so I can walk tomorrow, do some Wii Cardio, do my day 4 of my 30 Day Challenge AND hit the gym.

Can't wait to wake up and weigh myself, I'm a compulsive weigher! lol You won't know what the scale says until Tuesday/Wednesday though, sorry! :-P

See ya tomorrow!

-Mandah
Yahoo Messenger: brunette.betty

Welp, I didn't go to the gym tonight but I did over 30 minutes of Wii Cardio and I also did over 30 minutes of the Wii Active 30 Day Challenge set on the "hard" setting. So I definitely got my work out in for today. I was going to run up to the gym to tan but I got too wrapped up in some complete(ly awesome) foolishness with Shawnie. lol Btw! Please, if you enjoy my vlog/blog, pretty, pretty please, subscribe to Shawnie's.

http://www.youtube.com/user/Jrsprettyprincess83

Tell her Mandah sent ya :D

Let's see, other than that...my cold has gotten a little better. My poor little nostrils are just tore up though. lol Too many blows. I'm hoping when I wake up tomorrow, I'll feel so fantastic that I put my shoes on, grab my MP3 player and hit the concrete. We'll see though...that's kind of a long shot. lol

Talk to you guys tomorrow! Don't forget to subscribe to Shawnie!

-Mandah
Yahoo Messenger: brunette.betty

Life is hilarious! lol So I've been dead dog sick since Sunday, my sinuses have been so congested that I haven't been able to blow my nose yet last night, I knew today would be better. I was right! I can blow my nose (partially but partially is better than not at all!) and I'm coughing now which probably means somethings draining somewhere...here's the kick in the ass. The thing that woke me up from a sound sleep this morning at 6am, well before my sleepy ass was ready to wake up. My right ear is completely plugged up and it feels from time to time as if someone is sticking a long needle into my ear, into the ear drum. Ouchhhhhh! What the heck? Have I not suffered enough yet the past year? lol Seriously!? Arg!

I didn't go to the gym last night but I did my first day of the Wii Active 30 day Challenge and it kicked my butt. I was sweating like crazy! Only bad thing was that the leg strap has to be put on super tight so it doesn't fall off and it was cutting into the area where they had to cut my leg open last month. I didn't realize it was still so sensitive, but alas, it is.

Gym tonight for sure! I'm really missing The Biggest Loser, btw. :(


-Mandah
Yahoo Messneger: brunette.betty

Yay! Happy "Day 100" to me! Just dropping a quick line to say that I did go to the gym tonight but I didn't do the elliptical. I did the treadmill for 35 minutes instead. My body must really be working overtime with being sick because the time spent on the treadmill tonight resulted in the same amount of sweat as the same amount of time on the elliptical. Strange! Also went tanning again. I wish I could lay in that bed for hours...minus the burn. lol

I did a psuedo vlog today:


It has my weigh in info and all that but it's missing a little something....oh YEAH! ME! As soon as this cold breaks I'm going to post another video. Hopefully it doesn't take the whole week. Eek.

Alright, that's enough for tonight. Gotta save some material for the next vlog. lol
Hope you're doing great and if not, you know where to reach me!

- Mandah
Yahoo Messenger: brunette.betty

So I'm too sick to do anything. Very unfortunate. I was going to try to go to the gym tonight but it's just not going to happen. Tomorrow is weigh in's and I'm supposed to be working on a vlog...we'll see if either gets done. lol 102.3 fever!!!

Ugh, I suck. So last night (day 97) I went out to celebrate a friends birthday. No biggie...I stayed within my calories as far as alcohol went. But since I made such big preperations for alcohol, I ended up drunk. Which is NO excuse for the first naughty thing I did...I smoked. Gah! I didn't even enjoy it! So now I can't breathe, my sinuses are jacked, so congested and I can't even cough the crap up. Not to mention I smelled. Ugh. So then it gets worse, this part partially happened because I'd been drinking...we went to breakfast. I had an egg, cheese and bacon sandwich (super greasy boooo) and an order or hashbrowns w/onions. I only took a few bites of the hashbrowns but I devoured that sandwich.

So I tried to figure out the damage calorie wise and I came up with a ballpark of 1900-2000 cals for my night out. Not too bad, I could always work that off right? WRONG! I can't breathe due to smoking so I couldn't work out. Arggggg! I'm not even that upset about the food...just the smoking. I'm hoping the way I feel right now will definitely steer me away from making the same mistake twice.

I also slept most of the day so I only got 755 calories in. I feel bad about that. I have a feeling this weigh in is going to suck worse than I first imagined. *sigh* That's all. Hope you all are doing vastly better than me.


-Mandah
Yahoo Messenger: brunette.betty

So I didn't get a chance to get on last night after the gym to blog it up, but here's the lowdown. I did 30 minutes on the treadmill, 30 minutes on the elliptical. I did all my strength training, plus some. And alas, I tanned for 15 minutes. There was a guy at the gym last night who used all the machines I was planning to use when I was done on the elliptical only he wasn't wiping up after himself! Gross! Then of course, I got stuck with the tanning bed he used before me and I KNEW he didn't wipe that down either. Soooo, I went to town with disinfectant. lol Probably burned some calories merely cleaning up after his slovenly butt. Eck.

Tonight I won't be going to the gym because I'm going out to celebrate a good friends birthday and seeing as how I haven't been out in months, I decided to splurge a little bit. Not a whole lot. I decided to cut back my calories all day to save some for tonight and if I go over even after that, I'll burn off the extra at the gym tomorrow night. Say I go over by 300, that's an extra 20 on the elliptical! Makes sense to me! Hopefully I'll have pics from tonight to show ya!

Hope you're doing great, if you need anything, you know where to reach me! Bye bye!

-Mandah
Yahoo Messneger

Home from the gym! Went a bit earlier tonight which meant no tanning (boooo...24hr timer!) but that's okay because my backs a bit burnt and needs time to heal. I did yet another 30 on the elliptical...and that's about all I did. lol Those last 2 minutes were about the death of me. I didn't know if I was going to make it...but I did (obviously) like I always do.

There was another temptation today. It was utterly heinious! I'm going to put it in my vlog this week...it's definitely vlog worthy. lol Silly stuffs!

Well, other than that nothing else really healthy related happend. On a personal note, my nephew had his kindergarten graduation today and it was super adorable and emotional. *awwww* They had a slide show and it was just precious!

That's pretty much been my day, thanks for reading!

-Mandah
Yahoo Messneger: brunette.betty

Wow guys, seriously, I'm exhausted...so I'm doing this blog before I leave to the gym instead of after because I plan to immediently crash when I get home.

I posted my second vlog today and am very pleased with the amount of views and comments it's recieved so far. I got a message from a friend today telling me I've motivated her and she's already lost 3lbs. That feels so great! It's an amazing feeling to do well for yourself but an even greater feeling to have inspired others to do well for themselves.

So, gym tonight. I don't think I'm going to make it 30 minutes on the elliptical. I did Gold Gym's Cardio on the Wii tonight for 45 minutes and that's worn me the heck out. I threw 2,045 punches today! Got very sweaty and uncomfortable. lol I'm hoping I'm not so tired after the gym that I fall asleep in the tanning bed...eek. I'll have to really try to keep awake.

Well, here's my latest vlog, have a great night all and I'll see you tomorrow. Take care!
P.s. Doesn't the play button look like a cute little kitty nose on me? lol





-Mandah
Yahoo Messenger: brunette.betty

I'm so tired. lol It's around midnightish and I'm watching the Bigger Loser finale and writing this blog. I stuck to my guns and went to the gym tonight. Did 10 minutes on the treadmill (all the ellipticals were taken, gah!) then got on the ellpitical for 30 minutes...and then I tanned for 10 minutes. I feel really good about today.

Tomorrow morning I swear on all that is holy, my vlog will be up. I think I was a little less awkward this time. *shrugs* I also did a makeup look from a makeup tutorial done by, I believe, blueeyedbetty. Here's a preview!

Cute, right? Well, I'm going to go finish watching the Biggest Loser and depending on how exhausted I am, edit this dang video. See you tomorrow!

-Mandah
Yahoo Messenger: brunette.betty

I totally didn't go to the gym today. lol Tomorrow is weigh in day and I didn't even attempt any sort of physical activity. Sickening. lol You'd think being so desperate to hit and surpass the 40lb mark, I'd have really busted ass. I'm hoping I can make up for this weeks lazy behavior by cranking it out this week, maybe drop a significant amount. I'm hoping to drop 5. That'll put me a lb away from the glorious 250's! So close to my first goal!

My amazing friend Shawnie took her and her hubby Jim's before pics today. I'm so proud of them! I can't wait til their first 30 days are up so they can feel that sense of pride. It's addicting! Somewhere down the line, I replaced my obsession with food with an obsession to success and see results. That became more important...thank goodness. I actually took my 90 day pics way earlier today and I actually teared up looking at them. I cannot believe the difference. All this hard work and struggle and there it was on the screen in front of me...proof that it's not all in vain. I definitely recommend taking before pictures. They are a huge part of what has kept me going!

Vlog probably won't be up until Wednesday because I forgot that in order to make a weekly vlog, I'll be needing my weekly weigh in! lol I won't have that til much later and I can't make videos except in the morning time because my house is hectic during the day. Seriously. Zero privacy. Sorry about that! That probably means all my weekly videos will be on Wednesdays. I can't believe I didn't think about that. lol Regardless, 90 day pics will be posted on it, plus a couple silly pics and I'll talk to you more in depth about how things are going, how things have been and my hopes for this summer.

Well, it's almost 5am (whoops) so I'm gonna go get some sleep before it's weigh in time! Hope you all are doing wonderful! Ta-ta!

-Mandah
Yahoo Messenger: brunette.betty
YouTube: www.youtube.com/user/aslmp8376

I finally made it back to the gym today! About time, right? I know! I only did 30 minutes on the elliptical and didn't bother with any machines because my gym (due to the swine flu outbreak) has been pushing the use of their disinfecting wipes and happened to be completely out tonight. There were people continuing to use the machines...without wiping before or after, it was disgusting. And after I had that abscess on my leg (from my gym, I'm very certain) you couldn't pay me to do that crap. Yuck.

Anyway, I've had a sinus infection running the past few days, complete with post nasal drip, so I've got a cough. My lungs hurt so bad after I got off the elliptical I thought twice about going to the hospital. I wasn't going to give up til my 30 minutes were done and regardless, I did it! lol

Stayed under my calorie limit today. Not too many veggies today but I had plenty of fruit. I'm pretty sure I got my 5 a day. Did kinda crappy with water...as usual. Anyone have any tips to get water in? I'm just not thristy at all.

I'll be taking my 90 day pics tomorrow so I can post them on my next vlog. Hope there's a perceptible difference between this months and last months. I also took a couple of funny pictures today that I think you'll enjoy. lol Alright, it's past 2am now and I'm sore all over from the gym. I'll see you all tomorrow and you'll see me Tuesday!

-Mandah

Yahoo Messenger: brunette.betty

Heylo everyone, this blog is going to center around my weight loss (and hopefully not lack thereof lol). I just wanted to start out by introducing myself and giving you a bit of background on myself and catching everyone up to speed on where exactly I'm at.

I changed my eating and exercise habits January 29th, 2009. It's gotten way easier to steer clear of temptation and I'm a firm believer that it was basically, mainly just habit. Habit, taste and laziness. While I certainly haven't been able to make food stop tasting good, I've dealt with the habit and laziness aspects of it. Old habits can be broken and new ones formed. The way things are, aren't how they have to be. I guess that'd be the one thing I'd really want you to take away from this first posting. You do not realize how strong you are, to the core, until you take control. I was watching a weight loss vlog on YouTube earlier and someone posted advice from their father and it really hit home...There is no try. If you "try" you're only giving yourself the option to fail.

Anyway, I started at 304lbs. I weighed in about 4 days before that and the scale read 299.9lbs and I knew the next time I stepped on that scale, it would be over 300lbs. I was right. That was actually the kick start I needed, seeing that number. I joined a gym with my brother Scott and his girlfriend Susanne. As of right now, it's just her and I that are still going to the gym but I'm holding out hope for Scott yet. As of my last weigh in, I am currently 267lbs.

I try to eat whole and natural foods the majority of the time but I'm a sucker for Special K and 100 calorie packs. I also dig those "healthy" low calorie microwave meals. Makes my life that much simpler. I've discovered a new love as well....spaghetti squash. I hadn't had pasta in about 3 months when I was introduced to it. It is amazing. Tastes just like pasta but it's 35 calories a cup...opposed to 300 or more for traditional pasta (even wheat pasta!). I haven't had white bread in 4 months. I don't eat red meat. I rarely eat meat at all. I've seriously been considering going vegan when I finally find a job (Michigan's economy is a crying shame!). Today was a vegetarian day...I had no meat at all. I did have egg whites and a 100 calorie cup of ice cream so it wasn't vegan. It'll probably be a smoother transition because I started off basically weaning myself off meat and most other animal products.

So, I also decided that a weight loss vlog was in order...I will have a new video every Tuesday or Wednesday, depending. Here is Vol. 1




I'll probably be updating this blog everyday or close to that. It's just a lot easier to keep things in perspective with some form of day to day record of whats going on. Hope you're doing well! Here are the ways in which you can reach me if you want a shoulder to cry on, advice or just to talk. See ya tomorrow!


Yahoo! Messenger: brunette.betty
Myspace: www.myspace.com/brokengoddess
SparkPeople: www.sparkpeople.com/mypage.asp?id=mandahcullen
YouTube: www.youtube.com/user/aslmp8376
Facebook: brunette.betty@yahoo.com

-Mandah